For the 100th Time

I've started this post, if not once, 100 times in the last year. I feel so blessed and I don't know where to begin. I feel like my words and thoughts are a messed up buzz in my head and every time I start to put it into words - it isn't as clear and precise as I want to be - so bare with me.

I am blessed with such a beautiful baby boy. A beautiful baby boy that I look at every day and cannot imagine my life without. I cannot imagine that Damon and I went 10 years as a couple without this amazing life blessing us every day. I'm so thankful that God brought us Asher... and with that I also realize that Asher is not only ours but he is a child of God. This thought makes me smile - God placed this baby in our lives and he has a perfect plan for his future. This is comforting to know that any mistakes that I make along the way are all a part of the plan ... this thought also brings tears to my eyes. As I read "The Big Picture" ...

Maybe I'm a 'control' freak, maybe I like to be 'in the know'... I hate that Asher's life, in a non-human sense, is not in my hands. I have no control over God's plan for his life. As Leslie had no control over her baby Gretta's life. Leslie would have never let that baby girl out her sight had she known God's plan. She would have sat and played for weeks if that would have kept her in her arms just for one more minute. I hate the pain that this mother is going through and now that I'm a mother, cannot imagine...

Gretta's story is always in the back of my mind. I realize that I cannot walk through life fearful of God's plan but Gretta's story always makes me think twice before leaving Asher in a room or looking away for two seconds - this is a curse and a blessing. The Big Picture is real. Leslie's words are real. God's plan for all of our lives is real.