As most anyone reading our blog knows, Damon and I are seasonal workers and therefore have the awesome opportunity to have our winters off together. This winter was extra special with the addition of our beautiful baby. It has been so much fun learning how to be a parent with Damon and watching in amazement as Asher grows and does new things every day.
I would be lying if I didn't admit that going back to work brings me to the verge of tears every time I think about it. How am I going to do this? I know that women every where have babies and work every day - but how am I going to this? Yesterday I thought about dropping Asher off at daycare and lost it! I know he's going to be in great hands and know just how much our daycare providers already care about Asher but I still find myself upset.
I keep thinking to myself that Asher only gets to be a child once. He'll only say 'mama' or 'dada' for the first time - once. He's only going to take that first step - once... and there is no guarentee that I'll be there for those moments. Granted, even if I didn't go back to work and stayed home with my little guy - I could still miss those moments... but I just don't want to miss one minute of this wonderful adventure.
I remember having the conversation with Damon in the hospital about how fast Asher is going to grow. Even in those first few days he changed right before our very eyes... he continues to change on a daily basis as he can clearly see items & people, he loves showing off his smile and he jabbers like his mama (so I'm told). I want to bottle up those tiny toes, cries and moments because I know they will pass so quickly.
Asher has drilled home just how important family is to me. I have made changes in my life in the last few years as to be able to put my family first: changing jobs, taking on additional jobs and freeing up my weekends in order to be available to enjoy life with those who matter the most. So, now I stand at a cross-roads ... being a working mama.
I truly never though in a millon years that being a mommy would affect me so... you know, I cry at the very thought of bringing my child to daycare, leaking boobs were an opportunity to rejoice and I don't mind poo half as much as I thought I might. This experience has changed the very being that I am - through to the core. There is absolutely nothing more important in my world than the family that God has blessed me with. There is nothing more sweet than the cries for mama or the sleepless nights ... everyone keeps telling me to 'hang on' and 'they won't last' ... and as weird as it sounds - that's what I'm afraid of. Asher is going to soon be sleeping through the night and new phases will start. New stages that I'm super excited for but sad that the beginning stages have already passed us by.
So this mama needs your prayers. I'm praying for the strength that I'll need to drop my boy off at daycare and know that it is the right thing for our family. Strength to go to work and believe that my child - as thousands of other children - go to daycare and are okay. Or should I say that thousands of other mommys go to work every day and they too are okay!
Auntie Tonja with Asher...
Great-Granny
Asher & Daddy in the kiddie pool - isn't he super sporty in his swimming trunks!? :) 
Asher, Caleb & Brady
